By Da Two Japanee Bruddahs
Kyle Tatsumoto and Keith Kamisugi
December 2001, Nichi Bei Times

Numbah one day of Christmas, my tutu give to me, one mynah bird in one papaya tree...

The days are a little shorter, the morning air a little cooler. Time fo' get da extra blanket from da closet and go find my sweatah. Afta all, da TV news guy said goin' get all da way down to 68 degrees tonight. Brrr. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas in Hawai'i.

While it may not be a white Christmas, the lack of wintry weather in no way prevents kama'aina from celebrating the season with their own special flair.

Evening horse-drawn carriage rides in downtown Honolulu's financial district have become a holiday tradition. Kinda weird being towed down Richards Street by one horse, wit da drivers in da cars going by holding their noses. "Eh, brah!" they tease, "dis not New York!"

Numbah six day of Christmas, my tutu give to me six hula lessons, five beeg fat peeg...

It seemed inconceivable to a five-year-old Japanee Bruddah Kyle that Santa Claus ever stopped in Hawai'i, mainly because neither his house, nor any of his friends' homes, had chimneys and fireplaces.

Japanee Bruddah Keith's home, on the other hand, did have a fireplace...sort of. Although no need fireplace in Hawai'i, da Kamisugis wanted fo' make sure dat da house looked like da kine on TV. So dey wen go buy one fake kine fireplace, made from cardboard and wit one red light bulb behind the cardboard flames. Eh, fo' one six-year-old, da ting look good enuff, eh?

Despite the absence of his traditional home entry route, Santa Claus is, nevertheless, an important part of the Christmas tradition in the Islands. Of course, he is generally bedecked in swim shorts and arrives on the beach via canoe.

For decades, Hawai'i keiki have been thrilled at the sight of the Godzilla-sized Santa gazing out over Ala Moana Boulevard from the parking deck at Ala Moana Center, a sure sign that Christmas was near.

Another larger-than-life Saint Nick, the 20 foot tall "Shaka Santa" and his wife, Tutu Mele in her red mu'u mu'u and kukui nut lei, sit outside Honolulu Hale, dipping their bare feet in the City Hall's fountain.

Numbah ten day of Christmas, my tutu give to me ten cans of beer, nine pound of poi...

Big pile of slippahs outside da front door, small keeds running around the yahd, uncles wit beer can in hand, dozing off in front of the TV. Yes, it's the traditional family Christmas gathering.

Talking about tutus and beer cans, there was one Christmas season in Hawai'i where da in-style presents were knitted hats with flattened beer can cut-outs as decorations. Every obachan made 'em. No joke, brah. Imagine a knitted bucket hat that had panels cut from Primo beer cans incorporated into the knitting. Was the funniest ting, especially wen everybody at the family party wuz wearing 'em.

That might have been the same year dat rice bag clothes was in style too. A throw-back to the plantation days, someone started sewing shorts and pull-over shirts made from the rice sacks. Supah comfortable, I tell you, but no mo' variety. All da bags look da same, eh?

Regardless of family ethnicity (every family stay all mix up, anyway) every holiday dinner table is sure to include the requisite ham, turkey and cranberry sauce, as well as the equally indispensable sushi, sashimi, lomi salmon, Okinawan sweet potatoes, lumpia, manapua and malassadas. And, no fo'get da natto rice, brah! Ono!

Okay, so aftah Christmas pau, gotta get ready fo' New Year's. Da main ting is fo' buy enuff "fi-ah-crack-ahs" (firecrackers). The climax of New Year's Eve wuz da 50-foot firecracker string tied to a pole and den lit at the stroke of midnight. We excitedly waited the entire night for its minute-long cacophony, followed by a two-second pause, then the blinding, deafening atomic-like blast produced by the "bomb" at the end of the firecracker string.

These days, Hawai'i lawmakers can't seem to decide whether fireworks should be banned or not. No mattah, because kama'aina going get their firecrackers one way or annodah. Small kid time, every family used to set off one of these long firecracker strings at midnight. Your ears rang for a half-hour and the resulting smoke was thicker than Tule Fog, but the thrill was well worth the health risks.

Kadomatsu is a very popular New Year's tradition in Hawai'i. In fact, Japanee Bruddah Keet wen try make kadomatsu couple times. Supah hard, brah, fo' tie da rope around da tree bamboo. Da sensei told him "dah-meh!" because da whole ting wen fall apart cuz da rope was too loose, eh. Next time, Keet wuz reassigned to go saw da bamboo instead, da easy job. Da kine he no can mess up.

From da Two Japanee Bruddahs, Mele Kalikimaka Me Ka Hauoli Makahiki Hou!

Kyle Tatsumoto wen go Castle. Keith Kamisugi wen go Mililani. So wot?
Two Japanee Bruddahs is a monthly column in the Nichi Bei Times.

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